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Yort's Way: A Thousand and One Kernels of Wisdom (Yum!)

 
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One That Was
dragonmount



Joined: 26 Apr 2012
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:20 am GMT    Post subject: Yort's Way: A Thousand and One Kernels of Wisdom (Yum!) Reply with quote

As a devout follower of the teachings of Yort, wisest of all Goblins, I felt compelled to share some of the insights I have discovered while following his wisdom (Which can be found encoded among the cavern scrawlings left behind, most of which deal with how best to cook the various other races of Esfah). If you find yourself drawn to the same teachings, please share your own discovers on the path to enlightenment and better people-eating.

~~When gathering a brood, a gang, a gaggle, a murder, or any other descriptive compilation of Trogs™ for the purposes of causing mayhem, conventional wisdom would suggest that you enlist the help of as many mystics, shamans, or magicky wand waving Trogs™ that can among them evoke the powers of the mystic number 18. This is a misleading path, and is not of Yort's way. Yort teaches us that Magic is untrustworthy, and furthermore, counter productive.

If instead one were to gather a minor shaman and a middle shaman, which among them can not gather any magicks that exceed a mystical number of 6, then you may not be able to summon a Dragon. And Goblin's with the power to summon Dragons would rule the world. Which means the other races will have already been eaten, and furthermore, more likely by said Dragon. Which means less people to antagonize and eat for Trogs™. FURTHERMORE, less Mystics means more brain bashing for the other Trogs™, and let's all come to an agreement: Brain Bashing is fun, messy, and leaves a tasty goo on your claws. So, less magic, more brain bashing.

~~Yort's teachings on the analysis of the Leopard Riding Trogs™ can give one a very enlightened perspective on the world. In Yort's words, a Leopard Rider is "A Trog™ who has three important characteristics: The idiocy to try to sit atop a Leopard, the agility to not get eaten while attempting to sit on or ride said leopard, and a loud voice, with which to scream 'YAARGH' as loudly as possible, which makes other Trogs™ consider such an idiotic task to be not such a bad idea after all, and do it themselves. Therefore, Leopard riders, stupid as they are, are in fact some of the most clever people on Esfah." The moral: The fool is often times the person with the best plan.

~~Yort's Way also gives excellent techniques on how best to live a healthy life, such as, "When eating a Dwarf, set aside the beard to use as floss. It will help to keep your teeth clean, and therefore avoid rot, which while attractive, has a tendancy to lead to difficulty chewing." Also, "When one comes across a Feral Folk, one must consider the type in order to best decide how it should be cooked, and what sort of marinading is in order. Also, eat as many of the buggers as you can before they out-breed you, which can be bad for your health and well being." And finally, "Never get married, as it leads to moral dilemnas regarding whether it is best to eat your imps, or let them live and grow, and also whether you should eat your wife if you actually fall in love with her. These moral problems lead to bad digestion."
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