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Joe*k of the Day.
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Majiken
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2005 9:04 pm GMT    Post subject: Joe*k of the Day. Reply with quote

Something new since I'm bored and not sure what to do with Chguck in OUAF.

Enjoy!

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A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice in his head, which tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."

The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice.

But the next day, the same thing happens: The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."

Again the man ignores the voice, but he's becoming increasingly upset, and the third time he hears the voice, he succumbs to the pressure. He quits his job, sells his house, takes his money, and heads to Las Vegas.

The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah's."

He hops in a cab and rushes over to the casino, where the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table."

The man does as he is told.

When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17."

Nervously, the man cashes in all his money for chips and then puts them on 17.

"Now watch," says the voice.

The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel.

Around and around the ball goes. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21.

The voice says, "Crap!"
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Most people are like Slinkies ...
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but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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ddicerc
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:27 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm...maybe I should stop listening to those voices in my head...
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chuckpint
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:39 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

All of mine just argue with each other, and never agree. So I mostly ignore them... Mr. Green
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First Place at the first ever Daemon Dice™ sealed starter tournament.
Battlefest tied for first GenCon 2012
Single Race Champion GenCon 2008-2009, Sealed Box Champion GenCon 2007,2009,
My collection is 21,500 Dragon Dice™, 20,000 Daemon Dice™, and others (too many to count).
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Majiken
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 6:29 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

chuckpint wrote:
All of mine just argue with each other, and never agree. So I mostly ignore them... Mr. Green


I don't know about you guys, but I always do what my Rice Crispies tell me to do. Wink
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The Maj

Most people are like Slinkies ...
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but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 2:46 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

A dragon flies across Esfah. In his left claw he holds a Lava Elve, in his right claw he holds a Goblin. While he cruises the endless width of Dragon Dice™ County he happens to fly through a big swarm of hornets. Some of the insects get sucked into his nostrils and the stings tickle him really bad. So the dragon starts huffing and puffing but those little beasts wouldn't come out. Suddenly he feels a big sneeze crawling up his nose. While he fumbles for a cleenex between his scales he simultaneously drops his poor victims.

Now here's the question:
Who's gonna go "splash" on the ground first? Goblin or Lava Elve? And Why??






















The Lava Elve of course!
Why?
Well, the Goblin got lost three times on his way down!
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ddicerc
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2005 8:10 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

ROFL! That wouldn't happen to have been Chguck, would it?
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Deeghter
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:16 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

DDiceRC wrote:
ROFL! That wouldn't happen to have been Chguck, would it?


No, of course not! Chguck is famous for his well developed sense of orientation!
On the other hand........
if Pataclaragertrud would wait for him down there with her spoon........
he might as well have overtaken the dragon at higher speed and higher altitude!! Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Majiken
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:05 am GMT    Post subject: Next Joe*k Reply with quote

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How did you end up with the peg leg?" he asks.

The pirate replies, "We was in a squall offa Madagascar when I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As me men were pulling me out, a shark bit me leg off."

"Wow!" says the seaman. "What about your hook?"

"Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off me hand."

"Incredible!" says the seaman. "How'd you get the eye patch?"

"A sea gull crapped in me eye," the pirate replies.

"You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the seaman asks.

"Well," says the pirate, "it was me first day with the hook."
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The Maj

Most people are like Slinkies ...
Not really good for anything,
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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Autpost
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 12:08 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

A skeleton comes into a bar and says: "Please give me a whiskey and a rag to clean the floor."

**GRAWUKLOL**
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Deeghter
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:43 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Conqueror entered a tavern in Forumak City, ordered a beer, emtied it in one heave, ran to the window and yelled out: "The green upside!!".
Then he returned to the bar and ordered another beer, emtied it in one heave, ran to the window and yelled out: "The green upside!!"

After he returned to the bar for the fifth time the bartender asked him why he was doing that and the Conqueror replied:

"I'm supervising a group of Goblin prisoners planting trees."
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Autpost
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 2:36 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

A skeleton comes to a doctor. Thereupon the doctor says: "WHAT? But now you're coming."
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cliffwiggs
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 3:44 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Autpost wrote:
A skeleton comes to a doctor. Thereupon the doctor says: "WHAT? But now you're coming."


Lost in translation?
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Majiken
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 4:08 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Before these get too out of hand, let's keep it clean for the kiddies, gang. Here's one of my favorites that approaches the line but never really crosses it.


A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender immediately notices the steering wheel that protrudes from the man's zipper.

"Hey, buddy," he says. "Do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"

The pirate nodded sadly. "Argh," he agreed, "it's driving me nuts!"
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The Maj

Most people are like Slinkies ...
Not really good for anything,
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 4:50 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

cliffwiggs wrote:
Lost in translation?

That's my problem! I know a lot of good jokes, but I don't know how to translate them in a way that the point doesn't suffer. Take that stupid skeleton joke; - I've heard different versions of the point. For example: Thereupon the doctor says: "Sorry, you should have come earlier." - I feel this is not as much fun as if it is written in a different way. Maybe you can help to bring the point to the maximum.
In my posts I use sometimes words and phrases I have not heard before, just because the dictionary says so. In this case I'm not sure if 'but now' really fits. I'll blame it on the dictionary and if anyone is going to interpret my jokes impishly (another never heard before word), I just want to say they are not meant in this way. The doctor just feels, that the skeleton comes (= visits him) too late.
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Deeghter
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 2:26 am GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

I expected my post to be deleted but hoped to be still close enough to the line to get away with that! Very Happy

I agree!

(Playing with words in German! Nivea is a body lotion in Germany and is used as a joke here. It means: Watch the NIVEAU-level, i.e. don't get slippery with the jokes).

I'm ashamed about my last post and have already chosen a corner in my room to stand in for the next two hours, facing the walls.
But please don't make me write down a hundred times:
"I shall not tell dirty jokes in the forum, I shall not tell dirty jokes in the forum, I shall not..........." Laughing
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Majiken
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 6:42 pm GMT    Post subject: Here's a sidesplitter! Reply with quote

A man goes for a prostate exam. The proctologist is checking him out when he discovers a roll of hundreds in the guy's colon. He pulls it out and counts the money.

"You're not going to believe this," says the doctor, "but I've just found $1,900 inside your rectum."

"Hmm..." says the patient. "Well, I guess that explains why I haven't been feeling too grand."

Laughing

(Commence groaning now).
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The Maj

Most people are like Slinkies ...
Not really good for anything,
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 6:45 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

GROAN!!!!
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chuckpint
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:04 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Die(ter) wrote:
But please don't make me write down a hundred times:
"I shall not tell dirty jokes in the forum, I shall not tell dirty jokes in the forum, I shall not..........."


Ok, you don't get your wish. Go write that hundred times, but first translate it to Coral Elf... Twisted Evil
_________________
You can never have too many dice.
First Place at the first ever Daemon Dice™ sealed starter tournament.
Battlefest tied for first GenCon 2012
Single Race Champion GenCon 2008-2009, Sealed Box Champion GenCon 2007,2009,
My collection is 21,500 Dragon Dice™, 20,000 Daemon Dice™, and others (too many to count).
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Majiken
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:12 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

chuckpint wrote:
Die(ter) wrote:
But please don't make me write down a hundred times:
"I shall not tell dirty jokes in the forum, I shall not tell dirty jokes in the forum, I shall not..........."


Ok, you don't get your wish. Go write that hundred times, but first translate it to Coral Elf... Twisted Evil


E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum, E nai lura una ral humu Forum....

It's not 100, but it'll have to do. Dieter, you take over from here. I'm really glad he didn't ask for it in Vaghan, that language is a MAJOR pain to translate! Laughing
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The Maj

Most people are like Slinkies ...
Not really good for anything,
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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chuckpint
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:32 pm GMT    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, wasn't completely clear. One hundred times in Coral Elvish script. Or for you old-schoolers; long-hand. Twisted Evil
_________________
You can never have too many dice.
First Place at the first ever Daemon Dice™ sealed starter tournament.
Battlefest tied for first GenCon 2012
Single Race Champion GenCon 2008-2009, Sealed Box Champion GenCon 2007,2009,
My collection is 21,500 Dragon Dice™, 20,000 Daemon Dice™, and others (too many to count).
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